Catch up

There is no point catching up...
I am too far behind to play catch up with this thing, so while I have a day to spare with nought to do, I'm just gonna do a big blog dump all together here... surely it will reach the 750 word limit, no?

Well, here goes...

The thoughts since October 2010 have been such:

People change. No matter how hard you try to resist, things change and people change with it... some people change more subtle than others, and some have massive life-altering changes.. I am neither nor have either.

What I have been doing is go over my 2010 in the last few weeks... just to see how much I have changed, as a person... and this is what I have come up with...

Things that haven't changed:
-  In the office, I still have to write with the BIC classic fine point pen, blue, with the yellow barrel and blue lid. Lord forbid the person who borrows my pen and doesn't return it, I become a lost fairy... buzzing about the place searching for my yellow-barrelled BIC classic fine point.

- I drive more now, but I still hate doing it.

- I'm not afraid to fall in love again.

- I still can't drink coffee.

- My watch broke so I haven't worn a watch in months... and guess what?! I'm still surviving. I guess 'Time' really is relative... Lol.

- I still enjoy a good meal.

- I still hate to exercise...

- It's silly I know, but I just need to hear the words 'Pumpkin, I need you here baby!' one more time.

Things that have changed:
- I no longer bring a bottle of water with me everywhere I go... in fact, hardly ever anymore. Although that's not to say I don't drink as much water. I still do.... I just drink out of a cup like most normal people :)

- I drink a lot more tea than I used to... I try to stick to green tea where I can, and really its just 1 tea cos the teabag just gets more and more diluted throughout the day... so in terms of caffeine intake, it shouldn't be that bad.... but if you know better, please don't spoil my delusions. I'd like to think I wasn't addicted to caffeine.

- I like my job.

- I have fallen in love again with music. REAL music. I'm rediscovering all the music I have long since forgotten and now I spend my time trying to ignore all the commercial music crap that has filled my life over the last few years.

- I would love to be more toned and slim -BUT- I realise now, this is me. I'm not fat by any means, but I am slightly stretched. Why? Because I like to eat and I hate to exercise and as such, naturally this is what my body turns out to be. Lol, and I am a-ok with it. But don't worry... I promise, exercise is definitely still on the agenda, it's just not a priority in life anymore...

- I laugh and smile a lot more now. Genuine happiness laughter. I smile for me. I laugh for me. I smile and laugh for all the wonderful people around me that make my life such a joy.

- I enjoy a drink with friends. The company is primary, the drink is secondary.

- I'm not as obsessive compulsive about you as I used to be. I have found the inner ability to 'let you go'. Music helps a lot, but the damned music also brings it all back...


Its getting easier... Day by day, I become a little bit less obsessive over you... Its been over 3 years now and I don't remember when the passing of each day became easier... I don't feel like I miss you as much as I once did, although when I do think about it... when I think about you, I miss you. Much.

I miss you so much it aches. Its difficult to forget someone who gave me so much to remember.

Recently whilst enjoying a wonderful holiday overseas, a song triggered a memory of you and from there I just couldn't get you out of my mind... It took 3 years to ease you out of my life and all it took was one song to bring you all back to me. The perfect example of how powerful music can be.

I don't know what you did or how you did it, but we will forever be linked - you and me... It hurt me to see you moving on with your life because my selfish side still firmly believes that you will always be happiest with me. But my good side is glad to see that you are happy. I hope you are happy.

I have also moved on, and I'm free and happy. I feel no burden of you anymore. I have surrounded myself with people who make me feel good, and I have shed the ones who made my life dark. The happy people in my life balances me out.

Now I find myself obsessing over someone else... Completely and utterly focussed on him. I often wonder what he's doing right now, I wonder if he's thinking about me, like I am thinking about him. I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him. I want to talk to him all the time, I want to hear his voice everywhere I go, I want to feel his love for me no matter where I am. It must be the way I am with relationships. I like being the only one. I like to consume his every thought. I want to be his everything. Just like he is my everything.


Hmmm... are there more? Yes perhaps, but right now I want to move on.

Things I have learnt 2010
(I think most of these are from Pierre....)

When you don't judge others, you don't worry so much if they judge you.

An obsession is a way for damaged people to damage themselves further. So note to self: stop obsession now.

Every exit is an entrance to somewhere else.

One letter can change everything: Lover, Loner, Loser.

There is no such thing as bad weather, just different kinds of good weather...

Hmmm... enough? yes for today... overall, my verdict for 2010? FOUR THOUSAND AND EIGHTY SEVEN thumbs up. It's been an awesome year and I feel truly blessed. Thank you.