3 Feb 2025 - Dating games

I stopped checking messages on the app a few weeks ago... I check it every few days in case of new messages but not really expecting anything since I've out the app on pause.

And I always just have a glance at the Professor's profile... I miss him. So much. I miss his stupid face. And his big pot belly. 

But today I felt an emptiness when I discovered he had unmatched me. Fucker. 

Am I not worth remembering? Does he not want to see me? Be reminded of me?

This stings all over again. 

I'm not sure how to think but I am taking it very personally right now. 

I thought I was doing OK... But it's clear that I am not. 

I am seeing a very sweet kind man who seems to adore everything about me. It may be love bombing... But I love the attention for the time being. I do not have trouble attracting men... Why do I want the one who doesn't want me? 

He's not even good looking. And he's out of shape. What's wrong with me?? 

29 December 2024 - Dating hurts

Today really hurts.

I haven't felt so much pain inside for a long long time. 

The man I thought I felt a deep connection with ended things very abruptly, very suddenly, very unexpectedly 2 days ago and it completely threw me in a spin. 

I couldn't sleep. 

I couldn't think of anything else. 

It hurts and I'm not sure how to get over it. 

That fucker. 

That fucking liar. 

I really wish I could hate him but I do not. I'm annoyed with myself for trusting him so blindly. 

But that's my own fucking fault.